Therapy

I was just asked by a volunteer at church how much he should pay me for the therapy of helping out at church.

My brother has a farm in Indiana and he and his son can manage it most of the year but at planting and harvest time he needs some help. Usually in the spring he needs someone on a tractor preparing the field for planting with various implements. Then in the fall he will have them on the tractor or driving a truck loaded with grain from the field to the home grain bin storage. So it is not heaving lifting, usually just driving, so he hires retired farmers in the community to help him out. But there is a problem with this. You see, these retired farmers would like nothing more than sitting on a tractor and prepping a field for planting. They absolutely love the work and my brother has a hard time telling them to quit for the day and an even harder time giving them money for the work. Often he resorts to paying their wives because they refuse. To them, it is therapy. To “farm” without any of the responsibility or pressure, just to sit on a tractor, outside, and drive. In fact, as I write this, I am filled with a nostalgia that tells me I would do the same thing. Think of Forest Gump who became a millionaire and wanted to do nothing more than mow lawns … I can relate. (NOT to the millionaire part but to the retire to mow lawns part.)

There are a few widows in the church that LOVE to bake and living by themselves they just don’t get the chance to. So to bake for the church is therapy and they love to do it.

In any counselling I have to do my primary weapon in my arsenal of cures for mental ailments is “SERVE”. Feeling depressed? Go out and work in a soup kitchen or clothing distribution center for a day or two. You will get the focus off yourself AND you will feel like you are doing something useful and being a good Christian. All good things that make you forget your depression.

No matter what ailment you might suffer from, both mentally and physically, serving other people is the BEST therapy and it is usually way more inexpensive than traditional therapy.

Time to get your SERVE on?

The Fine Line

I broke into tears just watching a video. It was a good video and a good song combined to bring me to tears. It challenged me to look at my life and those I love and that usually bring me to tears.

Sure, I am an emotional sort. I cry easily but when I start thinking about my parents, children and grandchildren I get emotional. The video was shot in the cancer ward of a children’s hospital with the children lip sync’ing the words to the song “Roar” by Katy Perry. 

It made me pause and analyze why I am crying.

Am I crying because it is such a great song?

Am I crying because of the children singing with IV’s hanging from their arms in hospital gowns?

Am I crying because I cannot imagine being the parent of one of those children?

I pause and look at my feelings. I write them down and what I picture is someone I love in that situation and this brings me to tears. Some child and some parent is going through that emotional trauma right now … it brings me to tears.

There is a fine line that we walk every day and mostly ignore it. This fine line separates our lives of joy, love and happiness from a life of pain, sorrow and torment. This fine line has you one day riding down the road to joy and a second later crashing into the life of pain and extended recovery. This fine line is crossed when a healthy 50-something gets his first heart attack. This fine line is crossed when you hear the word “cancer” spoken to you or one you love.

As I looked at this fine line I found that it drew me closer to God. It drew me closer to God because I realize the only thing keeping me on one side of the line and not the other is God’s grace. When we cross that line, one of our first exclamations is “Why, God?” but if we are on the joy side of the line is our expression “Thank God!”?

What is worse; we act like we are not on the joyous side of the line, then, just like a healthy person who forgets what it is like to be sick, we forget where we are RIGHT NOW! I thank God that I and those I love are on the joyous side. I pray every day that we stay there. I know that pain and sorrow is a fine line away but that should not keep me from loving and living. Love and Life is painful so enjoy the good side of the line while you are there because you know how thin that line is.

Cry and support those on the painful side of the thin line. Laugh and enjoy life on the joyous side of the line but NEVER forget how blessed you are.

I Disagree

There are many ways to disagree with someone but it seems that in today’s society we have lost the art. We have reduced disagreement to an offense and nothing more. This eliminates the need for discourse, for simple talking, because the person is offensive and should not be public debate anyway.

Disagreement comes with it some basic assumptions. These assumptions should normally lead you to resolving the conflict or avoiding it. Here they are:

First, you assume that they are uninformed, and that once they know what YOU know, they will change their mind. This is more of an information problem or a marketing problem. So in order to come to some kind of resolution of the disagreement you must make sure you are all on the “same page.” You must make sure you terms are the same and your information is the same.

Second, you assume that they actually do not hear what they are saying. I have had many times where my words simply were not making sense to the other person because they simply did not have the frame of reference for what I was talking about. This is resolved, again, by making sure you are using the same terms for the same actions or thoughts. AND by patiently backing up and defining what ball park you are in. Most of my times with this difficulty are with computer geeks who, even though they were speaking English, seemed like they were speaking “Greek” to me.

Third, you assume that they simply see the world differently than you do. This where most political discourse happens. This is where you simple say, “You and I just come from different worlds and will never see this the same.” Instead of arguing the point or trying to get your side of the disagreement heard, you must assume they heard it and simply don’t agree with you. This is hard, because from your perspective your side is the most logical, practical and realistic way to believe, but they simply won’t accept that. Okay, that happens, and most of the time we get used to not discussing that topic as friends or simply stay away from each other is non-friends. Agree to disagree.

Fourth, and most prevalent today, is the assumption that the person you are disagreeing with is a total dolt, loon, or a misguided zealot who refuses to see the truth. Their selfish desire to win interferes with their understanding of reality. This is what political discourse has degenerated to. We resort to name calling and taking offense at those who disagree.

Most of us today skip right to the fourth assumption instead of running through the list of the first three. There actually are countless uninformed people, craven zealots, and yes, in fact, we usually hear what we want to hear instead of hearing what the person is actually telling us. We hear what we expect and jump to conclusions and answers before they are even done with their last sentence. It takes work to disagree with someone but it is usually worth it because that is the only way to resolve differences and the only way to understand each other.

Curiosity

God has given me and insatiable thirst for knowledge; for knowing stuff; for figuring things out. I am blessed to be in a job where I can leak a little of that information I have garnered out in the form of writing, sermons, and studies; but believe me what I share is only a small portion of the stuff that goes through my mind on a weekly basis. But this has also done some harm to me and my own personal spiritual walk.

Up until the Enlightenment, curiosity and thirst for knowledge was considered a vice and not a virtue. Even the phrase “curiosity killed the cat” came from a play in 1598. Then the modern world stepped in and turned curiosity into virtue which built our modern world. 

However the current postmodern world has taken it a step further and turned curiosity into a necessity. You haven’t really lived until you have tried everything, done everything, and believed everything. Curiosity is the mantra and those who would simply love nothing more than to be ignorant (defined as i’gnosis or without knowledge) are ridiculed as back-woodsy and stupid, or at best uninformed and simple.

Pre-modern world was controlled by the church and the loss of innocence to the “Tree of Knowledge” found in Genesis. Knowledge was dangerous and led only to sorry and loss (see Ecclesiastes).

In a good way curiosity exposes the Great and Mighty Oz behind the curtain, pulling the strings.

In a bad way curiosity eliminates mystery and holiness in search of a definition and box in which to put God.

More information does not necessarily mean more happiness, just like more money does not necessarily lead to more happiness. The focus on knowledge and money means you miss some of the better things of life.

I remember a ride to California down I-15 from Las Vegas one of the first times my wife and I drove it. I was focused on the map, distance to the next exit, and the timing of getting where we needed to be. I was worried about the traffic and making sure I was in the right place at the right time to get where I was going at the best possible pace. I was caught up in the stuff of the drive until finally I looked over at Frankie and she was simply focused on the beautiful desert and mountains rolling by. She didn’t care about the miles, distance, or traffic; she was just enjoying the ride.

Sometimes I need to be reminded to get my head out of books and research and just enjoy the ride. What about you?