The Mystery of Funerals

I have “performed” many funerals in my days and they are a mystery to me.

I have sat with the families of those who’s loved one was a professing Christian and with those who had no idea what their loved one believed in.

I consider myself a relatively perceptive person but you don’t have to be a psychic to understand the emotions at a funeral. So let me describe the three types of funerals that there are.

First is the Christian funeral. The key word is hope. Most of the Christian funerals I have attended and led are celebrative affairs. There is sadness in the loss of a loved one, but that loss is believed to be just temporary. “We will see them again!” is the hope-filled statement. Most of these end the day with a celebration at some home or church. Did you catch that? A CELEBRATION at the end of life, what a mysterious blessing for Christians.

Second is the UNKNOWN funeral. The key word here is questioning. These funerals are filled with the questioning of the loved ones about the one loved. Did you know him well? What did he believe? Will he go to heaven? Where is he now? Why did this happen? How could God allow this to happen? In these funerals I spend most of my speaking talking about grace and about not being able to understand God’s ways. In other words … I lie to make the people feel better. So it is not an evil lie, it is one designed to give some comfort in a difficult time. I spend most of my time focusing on the living and introducing them to the mystery of HOPE: a hope that will bring a celebration at the end of life and not a questioning. The mystery is that how you live your life will determine the joy or sorrow of your loved ones at the end of your life, when you are gone.

The third kind of funeral is the weird one. The key word here is makeup, as in cosmetics. Just like the body of the deceased is made up to look “almost” alive, so the funeral is made up to look that way. Smokey Robinson sang about the “Tears of a Clown” but I would say this is the opposite of that: the clowning of tears. These people will generally call this funeral a “Celebration of Life” or “A Sharing of Memories” or even “A Universal Transformation” or some such ridiculous BS. They will get together and share thoughts and remembrances of the loved one. They will light candles, drink beer, smoke a cigar, or even go on a ski trip or have a party all in the name of the loved one. All of this is to fulfill the wishes of the deceased or the family of the deceased. Tears are covered in makeup. Sorrow is drowned in alcohol. Sadness is partied out. All to clown up death. All to try to avoid the elephant in the room: what happens after we die? What happens when we enter that undiscovered country?

“To die, to sleep; to sleep: perchance to dream: ay, there’s the rub; for in that sleep of death what dreams may come when we have shuffled off this mortal coil, must give us pause … the undiscovered country from whom no traveler returns” (Shakespeare’s Hamlet)